Post #50: Go-Go Gadget Thumb

This is a special post. I’ve selected this post as special as its ordered number of sequence is a nice round number large enough to consider significant. I wouldn’t call it an anniversary however I do plan to commemorate its published contents in a manner typical of such an event.

There have been 49 posts before this one – sure most of them are crap, but none the less that makes this post number 50. I’ve decided to celebrate the big five-o by researching a topic that I find interesting and then reporting below all the bits that weren’t too boring. The topic I’ve selected is the great sport of Thumb Wrestling.

The principle of thumb-wrestling seems simple enough. Two players engage their sweaty-fingers, entangling them to form a fist. In the conventional starting configuration the thumbs remain in the up-right possition and are posed for the ensuing action. Then you sing the little song... "One, Two, Three, Four, I declare a thumb war.... etc." It’s important to establish rules such as the allowance of tag teams and sniveling after loosing in this beginning song or chant. The players then try to catch or "pin" the opponent's thumb. In the case that a referee is present he or she will mark the winner's thumb with chalk – thus documenting the win. The overall result is hours of low-fi entertainment that is portable enough to bring with you anywhere you go.

Everyone’s got their trump move (or way to cheat, as you’d call it as the looser). There’s the daunting over the top-Yao Ming-thumb reaching high above the other thumb move or the "my thumb is dead, oh no look it’s actually alive and now it’s got you pinned" tricky-ass maneuver or the classic "let me rub my thumb against the base of your thumb to give you the willies and either cause you to quit altogether or lose based on the thumbs’ sexual tension" move.

There are numerous products available that attempt to capitalize on the great sport of thumb wrestling. I’ve found things like how-to books; thumb wrestling rings (as pictured right); thumb puppets in the likeness of you’re favorite WWF star; hell, you can even get small thumb-sized Speedos, hats, and gold chains.

In conclusion I’d like to leave you with these closing reminders about the great sport of thumb wrestling:

1.Always be sure to stretch properly before a match. Stretching will help to loosen up the motion of your thumb and allow it to move freely about the ring. This probably also helps to prevent injuries.

2.No hidden razor blades and no unnecessary violence. It’s OK to be competitive but keep it clean and in the ring.

3.The hands are to be kept as still as possible, use high-strength industrial-sized zip ties to secure the hands if this becomes a problem.

4.Clipped nails are extremely helpful and aide in reducing the amount of injuries caused by cuts and scratches.

5.No lubricants – leave that kinky shit in the bed room.

6.No sore winners, no one likes a gloating Gus.